


A Match...and Gasoline

by Headphone_Love



Series: Teammates? More Like Soulmates. [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Half Canon Half Me, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt Tsukishima Kei, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Rare Pairings, So he draws Dinosaurs instead, Supportive Tsukishima Kei, Supportive brother Akiteru, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Yamaguchi Tadashi is also sunshine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 07:13:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15137912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Headphone_Love/pseuds/Headphone_Love
Summary: Whoever it was...they were drowning.He could either hold out his hand or watch as they slipped beneath the surface.---Original Request:"Soulmate!AU tsukihina: you feel each other's emotions and can talk by writing on each other's skin even if they're far apart. Tsuki doesn't know who his s/m is so he draws silly dinosaur doodles on his skin to cheer his soulmate up cause he's never been good with words. One day, Hinata aimlessly draws a volleyball on his skin before tryouts and they meet. Sorry if this is too cheesy but I've had this idea in my mind for some time and wanted to share it with someone."





	1. One is Loneliness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE POSTING?  
> NAH.
> 
> Ehem. 
> 
> Anyway, this is for the anon who sent me a soulmate AU ages ago. I didn't want to half-ass it, and so I've been working on this story to make sure it is awesome just for you. I also added in a few things to make it work in a certain way, so I hope that you don't mind my little additions to your prompt! I tried to remain as close to the prompt as possible. 
> 
> Without further delay, I hope you enjoy. Please comment or message me if you enjoy it, as I'd love to know your reaction! 
> 
> Much love,
> 
> ~HxL

“Kei? Oh, sweetie I know you’re happy but don’t cry.”

The blond child looked up at his mother, sobbing his little heart out as he sat surrounded by presents and the remainder of his “happy birthday” streamers. He had felt fine a moment ago, but all of a sudden, it was like someone had told him the most devastating news in the world, his crying only coming to a stop when Akiteru tucked him in and ruffled his hair until he fell asleep.

The morning after, he could have sworn that heard someone talking to him, their words soft and sad.

_-I’m sorry-_

A look around the room showed no one but his endless supply of plushies, but being the child he was, he smiled a tiny bit. He assumed it had been Akiteru and that the elder had slipped out before he had opened his eyes.

“It’s okay!” he said to no one in particular, stretching his hands over his head and wondering what to do since he had stayed home from school. Not one to sit around and do nothing, Tsukishima decided to read one of his books, picking out his favorite of the bunch.

On the top of his hand, he absentmindedly began scribbling out a replica of the dinosaurs in the book, pleased with the drawings despite it being crude and lopsided.

To him, it was perfect.

* * *

 

Every year after that, Tsukishima would practice drawing and doodling in his free time, noticing it helped him with memorizing the different kinds of dinosaurs. His brother had teased him about it, but in the end became an enabler of sorts by buying him more dinosaur-related items.

Throughout this phase of his life, Tsukishima couldn’t help but notice something in the back of his mind sometimes.

Well, not something, but rather, someone.

Someone with a voice happy and carefree at some points, but far off, like it was underwater and struggling to break the surface at others.

Tsukishima got into the habit of drawing on his arm when things got too rough, trying to will the feeling of sadness out of his chest by thinking of happier things.

-It’s okay-

Whenever he did this, a warmth would come over him instead.

* * *

 

“Soulmate? You think you’ve found them?” Akiteru said with an amused expression. “That’s adorable, Kei.”

“I’m serious….I feel like I’m _dying_ , nii-chan,” Tsukishima insisted. “I go from fine to feeling like someone kicked my dog right in front of me. I also hear this voice in my head, but I can’t...I can’t ever _respond_.”

Considering the fact that they had both gotten their own rooms once Kei hit twelve, it was funny to Akiteru to see him under his sheets like when they were younger. No matter how much a hassle it was to Tsukishima, however, he’d come to Akteru’s room when distressed.

“What else could be making me feel like I’m losing my mind and myself?”

Akiteru, realizing how serious his brother took this, leaned back in his desk chair and sighed. Tsukishima couldn’t help but notice that homework was on the screen, feeling a bit guilty at interrupting the other’s studies. Being the ace and someone with good grades had to be rough, especially while in high school. His brother never complained, though, gladly taking breaks to talk some sense into him.

“Of course you’re going to feel out of whack. You’re practically a teenager at this point and going to be experiencing a lot due to hormones and puberty. It’ll suck, but you’ll live. Brother’s honor.”

Tsukishima felt the relief flood through him, but there was something in the pit of his stomach that felt like a warning. It was telling him that there was something huge he was missing, but if his brother said he was fine, he’d believe him.

His brother had gone through puberty before and didn’t get his soulmate yet, as far as Tsukishima knew.

Besides, this was his brother.

His brother was _never_ wrong.

****************************

His brother had been horribly wrong.

“Soulmate?!”

His family had been floored, shocked they hadn’t noticed, but Tsukishima didn’t seem the bit shocked. He went as far as to shook Akiteru a look that was easily deciphered as ‘I told you so’.

With the victory out of the way, Tsukishima still had business to attend to. He had, at some point, connected to his soulmate.

And it took him way too long to realize it.

“Doctor?”

The woman in a light purple doctor’s coat turned, obviously not like any doctor that Tsukishima had ever had to go to before.

“Is it possible for me to...hear my soulmate?”

The woman hummed, hugging her clipboard to her chest. “Well, it is possible, but at your age, it would be highly unlikely. That kind of bond usually takes years _after_ meeting physically to achieve,” she explained. Tsukishima deflated a bit, wondering what the hell the voice was then.

Was he...crazy?

“However, just because it isn’t likely doesn’t mean impossible. If the situation were dire enough, I’m sure miracles could happen.”

Tsukishima looked up again, seeing the woman smile at him knowingly.

“Only you know your connection best. Not even a doctor can tell you otherwise.”

* * *

 

For the next few months, Akiteru would attack Tsukishima at every chance he had. He’d ask about his soulmate, whether he thought she was cute, and whether she would be able to deal with Tsukishima’s weird dinosaur trivia.

This often resulted in Tsukishima shoving a pillow in his brother’s face, warning him to shut up.

Today was no different.

Removing the pillow from his face, the elder let out a sigh of envy. “I’d kill for this to have happened so I could learn about her before meeting in real life!” his brother had praised, though it didn’t sit well with Tsukishima the more that he thought about it.

While Tsukishima didn’t necessarily mind his soulmate—or the mood swings, for that matter—he didn’t particularly want to be paired with anyone just yet. He wouldn’t mind talking to them, but knowing that it was pretty much not possible, he’d rather avoid contact completely until shit is sorted.

It wasn’t his main goal at the moment despite everyone else's obsession with finding the right person for them.

With this, Tsukishima purposely worked to avoid learning more about soulmates. If anyone ever mentioned it, he’d put his headphones on, blasting his music until they got the hint.

Call it being a child, call it delaying the inevitable, but it was the only thing that Tsukishima could really do. He would just play volleyball, follow in his brother’s footsteps, and become an ace worthy of his future team.

He’d numb himself out so he could focus on what mattered, which at his age was his family and volleyball.

No soulmate needed.

* * *

 

 

Soulmate business wasn’t actually that simple, Tsukishima learned.  

Despite much concern at first, he was able to go a year without much issue. He lived as normally as a teenager could, having gotten a new volleyball despite his lack of motivation to play it and some cool headphones. He was living the easy life and moving his way through middle school with nothing on his mind except passing and getting ready for exams.

“Oh, sweetie...Are you in pain?”

The question had caught Tsukishima off guard considering he had just gotten home. He had walked into the kitchen, oddly exhausted, but not really feeling any pain. Squinting, he shook his head. “No….?”

She moved closer, placing a hand on his cheek. “But you’re crying, Kei.”

He parted his lips. He wasn’t cr—

The pain in his chest hit him so suddenly that his legs gave out on him, throat tightening. He gripped at the front of his shirt. tears staining the wooden floors beneath him.

He _had_ been crying, apparently.

“Kei?! Akiteru, call for….!”

Tsukishima took in a breath, desperate, but could only gasp for air as the edges of his vision blurred. When breathing only seemed to get harder, he began to panic.

“It hurts!” Tsukishima choked out. He began to feel dizzy and wondered if this was what dying felt like, head pounding and body shaking. He tried to listen to his mother and brother’s conversation, but there was only one word that he could before feeling himself grow cold.

 _Soulmate_.

The realization sunk in not too long after that.

_-I hate this!-_

Tsukishima finally took a breath once he heard the voice, glad that the air was finally filling his lungs. Ignoring his mother’s questions, he looked around wide eyes, searching for whoever had spoken his thoughts aloud. Seeing no one but his mother and Akiteru, he decided to simply agree with the person—his soulmate—in his mind.

-I hate this too.-

* * *

 

“Collapsing...it seems that bond of yours is scary strong,” the doctor, who Tsukishima had learned was from Canada and called Ronnie, began. “It _is_ common for people to feel their soulmate’s emotions, but this kind of reaction only occurs when the mate is nearby.”

“You’re saying that I might have incidentally almost met my soulmate?”

“No, that’s what’s confusing me. While I can’t be sure you almost didn’t, I’m almost positive that that wasn't the cause of this. For starters, you were at home. Pretty odd place to meet your soulmate. Second, you said that when it happened, you heard someone in your mind…?”

“Yeah...it sounded a bit far, but I could make out how it sounded...?”

She smiled, it coming a bit strained as she pushed the strands of hair from her face back behind her ear.

“If you had been close to meeting them, then that feeling of your chest being squeezed would have been the full feeling rather than half. And the voice wouldn't have been so far off.”

Akiteru stepped forward, placing a hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder before the blond glared at him and slapped it off. “So you’re saying that my brother almost passing out and not being able to breathe was only _half_ of the pain?”

“Yes. You’re very lucky, Kei,” Ronnie said as she jotted some things down on her clipboard.

“Why is that?” his mother asked next, grabbing his hand and looking awfully pale. Tsukishima knew the sight must have terrified her considering their own father had passed from a heart attack years before. If he had actually passed out, she might’ve just fainted from shock.

“Your soulmate seems to have a lot more of a grasp on their side of the connection. They’re trying to shelter you until you’re ready.”

* * *

 

“I’m surprised you don’t resent her, honestly.”

Tsukishima opened his eyes at the voice, forgetting how he had been attempting to stay calm as the aching in his chest fluctuated. He rubbed the area until it subsided, turning to see his classmate staring at him as he did so. “Resent who?”

“Your soulmate,” the student said with ease, eyes moving from Tsukishima’s hand to his face. “Who’d want someone as whiny and unstable like that for the rest of their lives? Talk about bad luck. You’d think after so long they’d get their shit together.”

“Is that really something you should be that concerned about?” Tsukishima replied, unable to stop the heat from reaching his cheeks. He could feel the tightness in his shoulders and familiar aching in his chest, though he knew it wasn’t his soulmate’s doing this time. It was something else.

“I mean, considering how cold you are, you’d think you’d have at least been paired with someone similar. Even Yamaguchi would have been better since he can tolerate you.”

“Oi…”

The person laughed, raising his hands in surrender. “Kidding! Well, about the second part. I stick by the first. No one wants a weak other half. They’ll only drag you down, down, _down_ ,” the student explained, lowering his hand until it nearly touched the bottom of his chair. “...until you can’t help but drown with them.”

Keeping face, Tsukishima raised a brow at the words. Seemed a bit dramatic, but the more he thought about it, it felt too close to home. The heaviness, the negative emotions that would come out of nowhere. 

The voice sounding so small that it might actually have been trying to disappear.

Whoever it was....they were drowning.

_Your soulmate seems to have a lot more of a grasp on their side of the connection. They’re trying to shelter you until you’re ready._

Tsukishima knew he had two options.

He could either hold out his hand or watch as they slipped beneath the surface.

Sucking in a deep breath, Tsukishima couldn’t help the heavy feeling that entered his body and filled his lungs with worry and concern. It was so strong, his response to the fellow student came tumbling from his mouth before he could think. “It isn’t that bad. People go through hard times and deal with it the best they can,” he replied.

“I guess, but you sure she isn’t just a crybaby? I mean I’m all for wanting to protect cute girls,” the student said with a grin, seeming to have some type of image in his mind. Tsukishima felt disgust build in his gut.

“But overly emotional chicks are god awful. It’s even worse if she isn’t cute at all.”

“It’s stupid to judge them for that. Sometimes people need to blow off steam,” Tsukishima replied without missing a beat, eyes narrowing.

“People who cry or cause their soulmate pain aren’t blowing off steam. They’re being pathetic.”

Tsukishima’s mind flashed to Akiteru sobbing his heart out on the floor of his room, posters and books torn and scattered everywhere. His mind then imagined his soulmate holding back their connection as they felt the full amount of pain on their own, and the heat began to build.

He shoved the final book in with fervor, standing as his chair screeched in the classroom. He gave a stiff smile.

“That isn’t being pathetic, it is being human. It takes a lot more strength then you’d think.”

Another laugh left the student’s lips, head shaking. “You’re only defending her because she’s your soulmate. I wouldn’t think too deeply about it. Chances are she won’t be around much longer anyway,” the person said with a shrug, writing in their notebook as Tsukishima clenched his fists.

Was that a threat?

Against _his_ soulmate?

“What does that mean?”

The student looked up, eyes glinting as they tilted their head. "If she’s that weak, chances are she’ll _drown_ before you can reach her, right? Who knows. Maybe you'll get lucky and another left over will take you.”

With a small smirk, the other student returned to his notebook, chuckling to himself as if he’d made a clever joke.

Tsukishima was all for walking away when someone was purposely trying to press his buttons. People would call him every name in the book to get a reaction out of him, from four-eyes to Beanstalk. They’d talk about his hair, call him a hafu, and yet Tsukishima would always smile sarcastically and return with his own scathing comments.

This time, he didn’t need any words at all to convey how he felt.

He had his fists, after all.

* * *

 

“I want to get in contact with my soulmate.”

Yamaguchi choked on his strawberry, Tsukishima cursing and slapping the brunet on the back while he uttered his apologies. He knew it was shocking, especially because he had mentioned wanting to stay away, but losing his soulmate forever was a far worse fate in his mind. He was positive that being as young as he was, he might be overthinking the situation a little, but he couldn’t help but imagine them drowning with no one around to help.

It made Tsukishima feel like he himself was suffocating.

Calming himself down, Yamaguchi cleared his throat, smiling brightly and nodding. “That’s...great! But...uh, don’t you already contact your soulmate?”

Leaning back against the bark of the tree that was sheltering them from the sun, Tsukishima shut his eyes. “I do, but ever since Fumihiro ran his mouth about them, I want to find out if there is any other way. Just in case...”

Understanding immediately, Yamaguchi made an “O” with his lips. “You know that he’s always just been rude. What does he know about soulmates anyway? Rumor has it that he lost the connection to his a year ago,” he stated. “People like that are always going to be bitter. Especially because you have a pretty strong bond with yours!”

Snorting, Tsukishima shook his head. “I wouldn’t say it’s strong yet. That’s why I need your help.”

Tsukishima felt it could be stronger… _wanted_ it to be stronger.

“Name one other person that has been comforted by their soulmate and felt their emotions as strongly as you have. I’ll wait,” Yamaguchi stated, finally picking his half-eaten strawberry up and eating it. When he swallowed, he continued. “Even I only feel my soulmate’s emotions in scattered bursts…” he mumbled, a bit of envy sneaking into his tone.

Surprised at the revelation, Tsukishima muttered a small sorry, rubbing the back of his neck.

Yamaguchi offered a smile, crossing his arms and leaning back against the tree trunk as well. “Maybe you should try talking to her. As much as you claim that the bond isn’t strong,  you’re worried, aren’t you?”

This time Tsukishima blushed, lips parting in an attempt to defend himself.

“You like her already~” Yamaguchi teased, nudging the other until he was pushed away, yelping at the blond’s strength.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi grinned, standing and stretching out his sore limbs. “That’s an odd way of saying thank you, Tsukki! Don’t worry, I'll still show you how to connect with your soulmate as long as you never forget me.”

Tsukishima’s response was a strawberry to Yamaguchi’s unsuspecting face.


	2. Two Is Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't realize how far someone is until they're actually gone.  
> Tsukishima copes.

‘Hello.’

It was small and neat just right above his wrist, the blond not wanting any large stains on himself if this didn’t work. It was weird, as when he had asked Yamaguchi for help, he had assumed that the help would be about the weird voice in his head.

Writing on skin, though? It couldn’t be that easy, or at least, Tsukishima didn’t think it could be. He had written on his skin multiple times, and nothing had happened.

Maybe Yamaguchi was messing with him for throwing the strawberry at his face.

After minutes of waiting, he felt an odd wave of disappointment wash over him. He shook the pen in his grasp, tracing over the word and making sure to make them as legible as possible. Still, nothing. Had his best friend lied to him? Had he been fooled?

Or did he soulmate just not want to talk to him?

He felt his heart pick up, knowing this feeling and realizing that both he and his soulmate must be nervous right now. That had to have meant...

‘ _So you finally learned how to write, Mr. Soulmate’_

The words slowly etched their way across Tsukishima’s skin, his own ‘Hello’ disappearing as soon as the response was given. He could feel his face flush at the words, reading them over and over. Had his soulmate been waiting for him? For how long?

Months? Years?

_‘Though I guess you were always more of a doodler, huh?’_

This caught Tsukishima off guard, his soulmate seeming to know much more about him than he did about them.

‘How do you know that I’m a doodling dude?’

‘ _It wasn’t that hard to figure out, silly soulmate! You’re very expressive’_

Tsukishima groaned as his heart abused his ribs, wondering why the other’s words had such a large influence on him. He felt like a blushing school girl, for lack of a better term. He wanted to shove his face into a pillow and scream, or flap his legs against the bed... _anything_ to get the feeling of pure happiness and relief out somehow.

‘You’re probably the first to ever say that.’

_‘Really? Why? You’re easier to read than a kids book.’_

Tsukishima raised a brow, smirking as he wrote back immediately.

‘Does that make you a picture book, then?’

A shudder moved through him, Tsukishima hoping that was a good sign.

_‘It better be pretty pictures!’_

‘Pretty pictures for the pretty…..?’

Knowing it was probably crossing some kind of boundary, he waited. If his soulmate knew he was a guy, wouldn’t it make sense for Tsukishima to ask in return? He knew that most people assumed that it’d be a girl, but ever since his doctor’s visits and learning more about his own connection to his soulmate, he’d been curious.

What fueled the fire was that Tsukishima had discovered at a young age that he liked both guys and girls and the fact that the voice in his mind had dropped in pitch the older they got.

_‘I’ve always been called a pretty boy...I hated it at first…’_

‘Why? Lately, it seems to be a compliment all things considered.’ Tsukishima wrote. The craze was all around them, with products even being sold to men to smoothen skin or make it glow. While it wasn’t Tsukishima’s cup of tea, he had to admit, everyone could use a bit of self-care without being judged for it.

_‘Not when it becomes a reason for others to mess with you.’_

Tsukishima paused. He could feel the little prickles of his arm beginning to fall asleep but refused to move, the words on his skin causing it to flush.

_‘It isn’t that big a deal, really. I’ve learned to deal with it over the last few years. Bullies hate when the pretty boy fights back.’_

A growl left his lips, but Tsukishima calmed himself when he could feel the familiar brushing of his soulmate’s words.

_‘Don’t be angry about it, Mr. Soulmate. It did make me sad at first...but then I remembered I had you and they had no one. It helped a lot.’_

It was as if the anger had been drained out of him, this person filling him up with nothing but positive emotions. He pressed the pen against his skin, golden eyes determined.

‘Pretty book for my pretty soulmate. If anyone tries to make fun of that, I’ll gladly show them what I can do.’

* * *

 

New school years were usually stressful.

For some reason, Tsukishima didn’t feel it this time around. September hit, and the only thing he could think about was Shouyou. Whether Shouyou would like strawberries, whether he’d like music if Tsukishima offered to send him some, even if he’d like volleyball. He made a mental reminder to ask of Shouyou had a cellphone. Even if they didn’t talk voice to voice, texting was still an option no matter how redundant.

Speaking of the devil, Tsukishima could feel the familiar brushing against his arm, smiling slightly as he waited until it stopped to lift his sleeve. Shouyou’s touch was always fairly gentle when he wrote, and at first, he thought that it was normal. It was only when Yamaguchi complained about his soulmate stabbing him whenever they talked that he realized that wasn’t the case.

After that, Tsukishima would only write roughly when Shouyou was teasing him.

_‘Kei! Guess what?’_

‘You're in school writing to me so you don’t fall asleep?’

_‘No! I mean, yes! But that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.’_

Chuckling, Tsukishima could feel the other continuing to write until the words slowly but surely appeared on his wrist.

_‘I finally got to form my own volleyball team! Two of my friends and some other people were able to get together to get just enough!’_

‘That’s amazing, Shou. I didn’t know you liked volleyball.’

_‘I love it. I’m going to be an ace!’_

Smiling and surprising himself at how much he liked Shouyou’s confidence, he nodded to himself.

‘I’ll be rooting for you, then. Consider me your number one fan.’

_‘Lucky you. Being my number one fan comes with a lot of perks.’_

Snorting, Tsukishima stopped when he heard whispers, turning his head to see a few people staring back at him. He raised a brow, pretending to stop listening as he wrote back to Shouyou.

“Tsukishima-kun looks a lot happier this year!”

“I know! Did you see that smile?!”

Annoyed and feeling oddly embarrassed, he slammed his hands against his desk and stood, eyes burning into them.“A smile...from me?” he spoke aloud, turning to look at them over his shoulder. His eyes flickered dangerously. “Don’t make things up. Mind your business.”

Taking the hint, they all returned to whatever they were doing, Tsukishima calming as he sat and returned to his arm.

‘What kind of perks are we talking?’

_‘Well for one, you get to be with me. You also get a sneak peek at when we win,’_

‘And how do you expect to do that being as short as you claim?’

_‘Hey, just because I’m short, doesn’t mean I can’t play! I can always jump!’_

‘How does that work?’

_‘When I jump, I can practically fly!’_

Rolling his eyes at the bravery, he wondered what the other boy looked like. Considering how often their conversations strayed, he could just barely imagine at least a blank silhouette of the other, but there was no color just yet.

‘Well then. I’ll be waiting for that update.’ Tsukishima started, reminding himself of the cellphone situation. ‘By the way…’

“Tsukishima Kei, I get that having a soulmate is excited and all, but please refrain from ignoring my lecture in favor of flirting?”

Irritated but nodding, he bowed his head in apology. When the teacher had their back turned, he quickly wrote his goodbyes before rolling his sleeve down.

‘Got caught. I’ll ask you later.’

_‘Same. Now that’s freaky.’_

* * *

 

Tsukishima had long learned that hard work doesn’t necessarily mean that people benefit from it. He had learned the hard way with his brother, and yet for some reason with Shouyou, he couldn’t help but get his hopes up for him.

Every day, Tsukishima would get a new message on his skin, no matter whether he was sleeping, eating, or even showering. The last one had been weird at first, but Tsukishima adjusted knowing that Shouyou didn’t mean to do it at such an odd time.

_‘Practice went well! I got to fly again today.’_

_‘Izumi is getting a lot better as setter! It feels nice to have an actual team.’_

_‘They’re all counting on me. I can’t let them down!’_

But through all of Shouyou’s excitement, Tsukishima had learned of his anxieties as well. Both because he could feel them, and because Shouyou didn’t seem afraid to talk them out.

_‘Tomorrow is my first high school match...my stomach hurts.’_

‘Have you tried drinking something warm? Do some deep breathing?’

_‘No matter how much I try, I just can’t. I know I need to sleep, but I’m too amped’_

Of course he’d be, Tsukishima thought. He’d never played a real match in his life and all of a sudden he was the ace, the captain, and the heart. It was a lot of responsibility on Shouyou’s shoulders. Not even his brother had to take on leadership like that.

‘Can I help at all?’

_‘Most of the time people have tried, so mind just staying with me?’_

Tsukishima groaned, turning over and shoving his face into the pillow. “So fucking cute…”

Despite trying to stay away at first, the moment he’d accepted Shouyou as his soulmate, he knew he was in deep. He probably wouldn't mind if he was dragged down. Not if he was with Shouyou. 

‘Obviously,’ Tsukishima wrote, eyes wandering to the sketch pad on his nightstand.

Pretty pictures for a pretty soulmate.

He sat up, hugging his arm to his chest as he began to draw. The first was an Achillobator, fierce and kinda small, but it had always been one of Tsukishima’s favorites. The next was a Vulcanodon, one that Tsukishima found too cute to never learn how to doodle. It was like muscle memory, the pictures of his childhood transforming under his hand into something strictly for Shouyou.

He continued until the animals lined his arm, some oddly drawn due to angling and others overlapping smaller ones.

He laid down when he was done, unable to brush the feeling of thankfulness that flushed through him. He sucked in a breath at the sudden emotion.

- _Thank you_ -

That...was a voice. Definitely a voice. A clear, slightly high pitched voice.

Shouyou.

Tsukishima couldn’t help but remain awake until the anxieties faded from his soulmate, even going as far as to stay up longer after that to ensure that it wasn’t just Shouyou keeping emotions from him.

Waking up feeling awful the next morning was worth it when he saw all the dinosaurs gone, replaced with a simple phrase.

_‘Thank you, Kei. I’ll win today. For you.’_

* * *

 

As Tsukishima had known, hard work doesn’t always reap benefits. He knew this, and yet when he could feel the tears in his eyes, he knew Shouyou hadn’t been able to keep his promise.

In reality, Tsukishima didn’t care much about whether Shouyou won for him. He cared about whether Shouyou won for himself.

It was obviously an important milestone, but as Tsukishima moved to the bathroom of his house to hide the emotions that began to bubble through him, he knew that if Shouyou hadn’t somehow learned how to control his side, he’d be more a mess right now. It almost reminded Tsukishima of when he was five and he’d cried for no reason.

It was then that it clicked, and he pulled up his sleeve, digging around his jacket pocket for a pen. He’d learned to keep it on him always, just in case Shouyou had needed him.

‘Hey.’

_‘I’m sorry, Kei’_

‘What? Why?’

_‘I must be a pretty awful soulmate, huh?’_

Tsukishima swallowed hard. Losing one game shouldn’t have made him change this much. Something else must have happened.

‘You’re an amazing soulmate. Stop talking like that.’

_‘Three years and I can’t even win one match. My team worked so hard too and I let them down. I was so thankful and yet I couldn’t even deliver on what I promised.’_

Tsukishima shook his head. ‘No,’ he thought to himself. ‘You worked harder than anyone’

_-If I had then we would have won.-_

-If you had then where would growth come from?-

_-Growth comes from facing stronger opponents. I couldn’t get past the first.-_

-So get stronger to beat the first! This isn’t like you, Shou. I know you wouldn’t beat yourself up this badly unless something happened.-

_-Yeah. I’m tired. That’s what happened. I should have known better than to act like I could be like the Little Giant.-_

Just barely above the surface.

-Shouyou…-

- _Sorry. I’m just...I can’t...-_

Until they slowly let themselves sink beneath it.

_…_

-Shou?-

A hand with nothing left to grab.

Silence.

* * *

 

 

The next months were harsh.

With nothing to feel, Tsukishima was sure that he’d become somewhat more cynical about most things in his life. He’d started lashing out whenever Akiteru visited and so much as mentioned the s-word. Whenever Yamaguchi suggested trying to talk to Shouyou again, he’d tell the other to shut up with a lot more venom than ever before.

If his classmates so much as mentioned volleyball or the s-word, Tsukishima would mock them, sarcastic comments and harsh truths.

And yet…

Tsukishima still tried to talk to Shouyou in secret. He’d thought about trying to write on his skin, but his stubbornness wouldn’t let him. After weeks of processing what had happened, and he knew that he’d finally managed to talk to Shouyou without needing a pen or his skin. He had done it based solely on their connection, and of course, it had to be right before he lost all connection with him completely.

So no, Tsukishima didn’t want to write on his skin with a stupid fucking ink pen.

Going back to said method seemed like a step back and a disservice to his soulmate.

_If the situation were dire enough, I’m sure miracles could happen._

Tsukishima had already created a miracle once.

He wasn’t confident he could create another.

 


	3. We're In This For Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  
> Or angrier. 
> 
> Definitely angrier.

Entering high school was more of a task than an honor.

Ever since Tsukishima had gotten accepted to Karasuno, the same school that had almost destroyed his brother, he wondered how he had become such a masochist.

Yamaguchi had also gotten in, so he had that support to get him through, at least.

Talk of the s-word had all but disappeared from his life, no loved ones daring to mention it at the risk of Tsukishima not speaking to them for weeks at a time. He and Yamaguchi had only ever blown up at each other over it one time, and it almost resulted in a fist fight.

Tsukishima, in reality, could never hit Yamaguchi even if he wanted to...mainly because he knew his best friend had a point.

_How can you claim you care when you haven’t done anything but wallow?!_

He wasn’t sure he had the heart to tell Yamaguchi that he feared his s-word might not even be around anymore. Hell, Tsukishima had long since tried to normalize the possibility that he was now a leftover. How could Yamaguchi ever understand that?

“Should we go to check out the volleyball club now, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima nearly flinched, keeping his composure as he shook his head. While he hadn’t gotten used to the s-word, he had begun to play volleyball again after his fight with Yamaguchi. It had been a slow process, with even touching the ball being difficult, but after doing it for the entire summer, he had adjusted accordingly.

Just because the other s-word was probably gone didn’t mean that Tsukishima could stop living his own life.

“No. Let’s go a bit later on.”

“Tsukki…”

“The overexcited first years are probably going to be there first thing,” Tsukishima continued, staring down at his best friend. “You know I hate people who get worked up for no reason.”

Yamaguchi's gaze told Tsukishima that he was being seen through, and yet the brunet just nodded, offering a sad smile.

“Right, Tsukki.”

* * *

 

As expected, meeting the current Karasuno team had been rather underwhelming.

“I can’t believe that two members already got kicked out,” Yamaguchi commented as he held his water bottle in his hands. The drills they had done were pretty standard, and so while it felt nice to stretch his muscles, Tsukishima wasn’t entirely sold on the whole volleyball team aspect of his high school career. He’d have no issue quitting if it got to be much. He had only joined because of his friend anyway.

“If they’re stupid enough to blow the dean’s wig off his head, they’d be a problem on the team itself anyway. Consider it a blessing.”

“Sh! Don’t mention that around captain!” someone hissed, Tsukishima raising a brow and looking to see one of the upperclassman staring down at him. “You might not believe me, but he’s pretty terrifying when he’s pissed off!”

Tanaka. That was his name.

“Yeah, well, after club hours, he isn’t the boss of me,” Tsukishima spoke, lifting his bag onto his shoulder. “So as terrifying as he may be, it won’t stop me from talking about the dean needing a hairpiece.”

“Tanaka.”

The second-year tensed, turning to see Daichi smiling at him with a certain heat that even Yamaguchi shuddered.

“What are you talking about over there?”

“Nothing! They were actually just leaving,” Tanaka insisted, motioning for them to leave with his hands. “Right, Tsukishima...Yamaguchi?”

“Right!” Yamaguchi said with a bow of his head, Tsukishima clicking his tongue and turning to leave the gym. He turned, Yamaguchi putting on his jacket and packing quickly before following, the two entering the cool night air silently.

They walked side by side, Yamaguchi seeming to want to speak but holding back, as he usually did. Tsukishima had half a mind to put on his headphones, but the sound of a ball smacking around caught his attention. At that, he left them hanging around his neck, following the source despite Yamaguchi asking what was wrong.

What he found was both amusing and irritating.

The idiot first years.

“Go, toward the back!”

“Got it!”

Before Tsukishima could stop himself, he reached out to grab the falling ball, the shrimp staring up at him with wide eyes and his hands in a setting position.

“Huh?”

“Wow. They’re really doing this outside?” Tsukishima began, grinning at the look of shock on their faces. He looked back and forth between them both,  eyeing the familiar blue-eyed prodigy and then the orange haired shrimp staring at him. “Are you the two first years that got into trouble on the first day?”

As if catching on, Yamaguchi smiled, eyeing the two with a similar amusement but also a bit of shock. “T-shirts? Chilly.”

The shrimp just kept staring up at him, Tsukishima wanting nothing but to scare him into running towards his majesty. While Tsukishima definitely knew Kageyama Tobio from how the setter’s reputation preceded him. The shrimp, however….

“Give it back!” the shrimp demanded after getting over his shock, hopping up and down as Tsukishima only held the ball higher.

“Isn’t it time for elementary students to be going home?”

Looking severely insulted, the teen growled. “Who are you guys anyway?!”

His Majesty seemed to step in, eyeing him with a certain look of understanding. “You’re the other first years in the club, aren't you?”

Tsukishima would have applauded his _amazing_ deduction skills if not for the fact that he was slightly more interested in riling up the idiot right in front of him.

“I was talking here!”

“How tall are you?”

“Tsukki is 188cm, he’ll be 190 soon,” Yamaguchi answered, knowing fully well Tsukishima wouldn’t have. Looking at the other with a slightly exasperated expression, Tsukishima raised a brow.

“Why are you bragging about me, Yamaguchi?”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

Both knew he wasn’t, but it seemed to work as Tsukishima’s gaze moved back to the fellow first years. “You’re Kageyama of Kitagawa Daiichi, aren’t you? What’s an elite doing here?”

“Ha?”

“Hey!”

The loud voice nearly shocked Tsukishima, though all he did was look at the shrimp from the corner of his eyes with his irritation building up. The more he grew irritated, the more the other seemed to, however.

“We won’t lose to you this Saturday, you hear me?!”

This caused him to turn his head completely towards the ginger, his expression so serious that despite all odds, Tsukishima wanted to laugh. He wanted to pat him on the head and tell him good luck, or at least tease him some more. And so, instead of yelling back, he raised the volleyball to his head and shut his eyes.

“I see. It might be an important match for you two,” Tsukishima began, holding out the ball again as he tossed it up and down. Much to his surprise, their eyes didn’t remain on the ball, but too busy glaring at him. “...but it doesn’t matter to me at all. I’m not worried about winning or losing, so if you two really need to win, I can go easy on you if you like.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Whether you go easy or not, the fact is that I’ll win,” Kageyama said with a deep glare.

“You mean _we!”_

Tsukishima couldn’t help the laugh that left his lips at the two, shaking his head. “Such amazing confidence. As expected of the king.”

What happened next was truly a blur to Tsukishima, the familiar pain in his chest suddenly returning. He tried his best to ignore it, continuing his banter despite barely being able to hear his own words. Throughout this, the shrimp continued to stare at him, just watching.

 _Waiting_.

It was only when Yamaguchi called out his name and his shirt was in the king’s grip that he snapped out of his daze. A moment later, the grip disappeared, Kageyama turning and ordering the shrimp to follow.

Regaining his composure and hoping the king hadn’t thought he’d caught him off guard, he let out a breath of disappointment. “Running away? I guess the King isn’t what he’s cracked up to be…maybe I’ll win against the king this Saturday too!” he jeered, tossing the ball in the air and expecting it to come back down.

The shadow that came over him sent a shock through his body, eyes widening.

All he could see was orange and brown.

_When I jump, I can practically fly!_

“Stop with the ‘King’ crap! I’m here too! I’ll spike the ball right over your head!”

-Shouyou-

Just as he thought it, the ginger seemed to freeze, a sharp intake of breath heard as the two just stared at each other. The feeling in his chest only got stronger, the shrimp in front of him backing away for a moment until Tsukishima caught glimpse of a small little symbol on his wrist.  It was so small that it was no wonder he hadn’t noticed it before, but it was there, clear as day.

A crudely drawn volleyball in orange ink.

Tsukishima slowly lifted his own hand, the shrimp seeming to follow it silently.

When he saw it, Tsukishima nearly felt faint, too many emotions beginning to move through his body at once.

Regret.

Guilt.

Sorrow.

Anger.

Confusion.

Abandonment.

 _Love_.

“Kei?”

Before Shouyou could get another word out, Tsukishima was turning and walking away, ignoring the way Yamaguchi and Shouyou called his name.

Tsukishima had called out the name Shouyou too many times without response.

It was only right that the other way around was the same.

* * *

 

He was alive.

Not only was he alive, but he was healthy. He was healthy, and on the same volleyball team at the same damn school.

Sitting on his bed, Tsukishima wanted to be angry. He wanted to curse Shouyou and yell at him until his voice went hoarse. He wanted to demand to know why Shouyou had left him alone, why he had broken off their main connection only to show up again.

Tsukishima just wanted _answers_ , and he was sure that he wouldn’t be getting many of them.

A knock on his door interrupted his mind’s ramblings. Yamaguchi’s muffled voice was next.

“Tsukki?”

“Not now, Yamaguchi.”

“But…”

“I said not _no_ —”

“You can’t keep trying to avoid me, Kei!”

Tsukishima froze, turning to look at the closed door and knowing the voice was definitely not Yamaguchi’s anymore. He couldn’t speak, tongue feeling heavy and mind spinning again.

_-I know you must hate me now…-_

If only.

_-But just hear me out, at least. And then if you never want to acknowledge me as a soulmate, I’ll go about asking how to break the bond-_

Tsukishima flinched. That was possible?

A part of him was glad he hadn’t known, because if he had while angry, who knows how far he would have gone.

“Come in.”

Yamaguchi opened the door awkwardly, looking amazing as Shouyou walked in with his head still high.

“Thank you, Yamaguchi,” Shouyou said softly, smiling up at the brunet weakly. “And I’ll remember, don’t worry,” he assured.

At that, the two were left alone, the door closing behind Yamaguchi as he gave them privacy.

It was silent for all of five minutes until Shouyou couldn’t help but speak.

“It was an accident!”

…

“Ha?”

Shouyou seemed to move down to his knees, grimacing as if it pained him to do so. He bowed his head downwards, forehead resting against the carpeted floors. “I was losing control over how I felt, especially after we lost to Bakageyama’s team last year,” he began to explain, not lifting his head for even a moment. “And I had broken a promise to you even though you had so much faith in me, so I knew I wasn’t anywhere near as strong as you and I had to get better. I wanted to quit playing volleyball after I failed as a captain and ace, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to!”

“Shouyou…”

“And so instead, I decided to train until I practically breathed volleyball, wanting to be better so that I could stand with you rather than hide behind you because you were always so confident and calm and I was the _complete_ opposite…”

“ _Shouyou_.”

“But then I could feel it beginning to become too much and the people from my school had been right about me not being able to lead and instead of dragging you down with me…”

“You let me go.”

Shouyou flinched at the cold tone, Tsukishima not meaning for it to come out so harshly. 

" _Accidentally_ ," Shouyou added, voice small and guilty. "Before I knew it, I had done something that I wasn't sure how to undo. My emotions just came pouring out and I guess I overwhelmed the connection to the point that is just shut down."

Tsukishima, rather than feeling irritated, felt relief. It was just so….Shouyou-like, to do something without even realizing until it was too late. Tsukishima had always assumed that he only had two options: save Shouyou or let him sink. In reality, they both had only had one the entire time. 

Let everything go. 

The lump in Tsukishima’s throat was swallowed before it could cause any long-term side effects. He needed to be firm, but even knowing what he did, he couldn't get angry again. He could feel the original thought of yelling at Shouyou changing into hugging him close.

“Idiot.”

“I am.”

“I hated you.”

“With good reason…” Shouyou muttered, and the acceptance in his tone frustrated Tsukishima even more than if he had fought back.

“What would you do if I said I hated you now?”

Hinata's nails dug into the carpet slightly.  “I’d leave you alone.”

“Even if you can feel that I don’t?” Tsukishima demanded, Shouyou looking up slowly and smiling sadly.

“You’d never lie to me.”

Oh, but he could. He could and if this had been months ago, he would have.

“Get up.”

Hesitating for only a moment, Shouyou moved to his feet, his arms awkwardly behind him, hand holding wrist. “I really am sorry,” he whispered, brown eyes downcast. “I just thought that the only way to keep you from the pain was to stop the connection for a period of time...I didn't know just thinking that would actually do it.”

“How’d you do it?” Tsukishima demanded. He was sat at the edge of his bed now, elbows on his knees as he leaned towards his s-word. “Not just recently...since we connected. You've always had some kind of control, right?”

“You knew?”

Tsukishima smiled bitterly. “My doctor knew her stuff, what can I say?”

Shouyou shifted. “Well...to start, I learned a lot about soulmates from my parents when I was younger,” he admitted. “You...you drew a dinosaur, right here,” he said softly, motioning to the area with a certain fondness that made Tsukishima’s chest grow tighter. “I had been really sad the night before you did, and so when I saw it when I woke up, I was really happy because it was cute.”

A slight blush formed on Shouyou’s cheeks, as if embarrassed by the memory. “When I told my mom, she thought I drew it, and when bathing we noticed that it wouldn’t come off at all. I think that kinda tipped her off, and she told me to draw on it for it to go away. Not soon after, it disappeared. That’s when I learned about how messages only go away if the other person responds.”

Tsukishima hadn’t learned about any of these things at that age. He’d practically been clueless.

Shouyou cleared his throat. “She told me that because I knew a lot at such a young age, it would be better to wait until you learned on your own so I wouldn’t scare you. I learned about controlling my emotions, my thoughts, my everything. I didn’t want to take your learning experience away from you.”

“G...get to the point.”

“Ah, right, sorry, I ramble…”

Tsukishima knew that.

“But things got a bit….rougher, around middle school, and I couldn’t really hold that back. So instead of holding none of it back, I read books and taught myself to limit the connection on really bad days. I let it slip a few times though, so I’m really sorry about that. It must have been hell.” he said with a slight chuckle, head tilting to the side.

“You shouldn’t have had to hold it back to begin with,” Tsukishima scolded, Shouyou shrugging his shoulders.

“I wanted to. Because I, uh, didn’t want you to be sad too.”

Tsukishima nodded, trying his best to wrap his mind around all the information. In a way, he had known all of this, but hearing it from the other side made it seem so much more real. He sat up, motioning with a hand for Shouyou to move closer.

He did.

“More.”

Shouyou took another step.

“More.”

On his final step, Tsukishima reached out and pulled at his wrist until the other was standing between his legs, Tsukishima staring up at him carefully.

Orange hair. Brown eyes. Freckles. A small scar near his lip. Red cheeks. Pink lips.

“Keep talking.”

Shouyou, turning redder the longer that Tsukishima looked at him, kept his eyes on the other’s black shirt.

“About?”

Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Shouyou in a hug, pulling him even closer and resting his forehead on his chest. He could hear the Shouyou’s heartbeat racing. When he felt a hand in his hair, ruffling experimentally, a small smile making its way to his lips.

“Everything.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_+1._

  
  



End file.
